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My name is Barbara-Ann, and when I was five years old, I discovered there was an 'audience' to be found in Kindergarten!  Oh! How I loved the attention!  My Spotlight!  In school, I was on stage; front and center, and my poor teacher, Mrs. Myers, went gray that year.  I take full credit!!  (blame?)
 
We would line up in single file outside on the playground every morning, and if I couldn’t be FIRST, I’d make sure I was dead last instead.  Then I would make my grand entrance into the classroom.  I always expected the undivided attention (if not applause!) of my peers, and did whatever I needed to do to get it.  From the moment I sashayed into Room “K” every morning, until the dismissal bell rang, it was THE BARBARA-ANN VARIETY SHOW! 
 
The venue would change daily, but it always ended with me sitting on a stool, facing the corner, wearing a pointy paper ‘dunce cap’ on my head.  ...and I loved it!!

I remember performing my 'WATCH ME EAT PASTE FROM THE WOODEN TONGUE DEPRESSOR' show, and then the ever popular, ‘WATCH ME WAD TOILET PAPER INTO A BALL, WET  IT IN THE BATHROOM SINK AND THROW IT UP ONTO THE CEILING WHERE IT WOULD STICK' show, and the unforgettable favorite of parents, teachers, principals and lawyers everywhere; the infamous:  'WATCH ME CUT OFF RITA KOVACK'S PONY TAIL WITH THE ROUND-TIPPED SCISSORS’ show!!  Such fun!

Things haven’t changed much since Kindergarten for me.  (Although I've stopped eating paste.)  Sure, I’m 40+ years older, but my never-ending quest for attention never waned.  As a result, I have a penchant for dirty joke-telling (especially in mixed company), and an attitude that ranges from sickeningly sweet to obnoxiously cynical.  (Nothing a little Prozac couldn't fix!)  I'm very far from being shy; I have an unnecessarily loud cackle when I laugh, and I often play practical jokes on friends, foes and even strangers!  I also love to make other people laugh; even if that means they are laughing AT me.  But in my book, negative attention is still ATTENTION!!
...you mean the world really DOESN'T revolve around moi???!!  No way!  

My Friends are my support net; I've known many of them since I was a kid, and they all still put up with me for some reason.  (I pay them well.)   They are a varied cast of characters you would find in any Woody Allen film; lovable, loaded with idiosyncrasies, loyal, and an absolute RIOT to hang out with.  I love them all dearly, and they put up with ME, so it all evens out in the end.  I consider their loyalty my reward for being born into such a dysfunctional family.  (Don’t ask.)

Joey is my best friend.  I've also been married to him since 1991, and he is absolutely amazing.  Regardless of my severe mood swings, hissy fits, temper tantrums, constant bitching, complaining and whining, as well as my various health issues; (both real and imagined) he has never killed me.  (yet.) 

If I didn't know better, I'd say Joey is a masochist for putting up with me.  I'm ashamed to admit every gray hair on that man's head is there because of me... But I've always had a thing for 'mature' men, anyway.

Joey and I are a classic case of OPPOSITES ATTRACTING.  He's my Complete Alter-Ego:  He's mellow, soft spoken, smart, laid back, sexy, good-looking, tall, athletic, slim and trim and an excellent listener.  He also has a mustache.  Me? I'm everything Joey isn't.  Except I wax MY mustache.  (Shut up.)

I've been overweight and dieting since I was a teenager, and I've still never gotten the hang of it after all these years!  For that, I blame CHOCOLATE.  There are very few things in my life I love more than chocolate.  I would BATHE in chocolate!  (Hey, you've got your fantasies; I've got mine.)  Chocolate is like my Heroin.  It's very hard to wait until you get your next 'fix'.  Believe me, it really sucks to have an addiction to chocolate.  And I've heard Chocoholics have it the hardest.  (No Rehabs.)

But regardless of how much I weigh, Joey never seems to notice.  (Didn't I tell you he was SMART??)  He loves ME, and not the size of my clothing... Joey is as rare as chicken lips!   

I am a beach person.  I just love the ocean, but I'll settle for the pool, lakes, rivers, streams, ponds, fountains, birdbaths, puddles, (ESPECIALLY puddles!) and even rain.  I love the water, but I hate to drink it.  (Perpetual Dieting teaches you to abhor all healthy, low fat, low calorie and diet-related things.  Like drinking water, eating lettuce and especially standing on bathroom scales.)  *shudder*

I've recently turned a very young 50 years old.  *shudder*  But fear not, even though I'm legally an old fart,  I'm a pretty decent person; so don't believe what you hear.  (...unless it's good, of course!)  My birthday is April 27th, so shop early and avoid the rush!  I accept presents six months prior to and six months following my birthday, for your gift-giving convenience! 

Here's a few of my Favorite things:
Cake: CHOCOLATE
Candy: CHOCOLATE
Food Group:  CHOCOLATE
Vegetable: CHOCOLATE
Color:  CHOCOLATE
Hobby:  CHOCOLATE

Oh!  And did I mention I like CHOCOLATE?

I am a voracious reader; I average a novel a day... and still have time left over for a Life. (Yeah… I’m a geek.)  I love to scare the Hell out of myself, so I tend to read authors of the Macabre, the Supernatural, UFOs and other 'Unexplainables'.  But on occasion, I enjoy a good Mystery, Chick Lit or a 'Happily Ever After' story as well.  Check out some of my favorite Authors and Novels at the bottom of this page.

Joey and I never had children, but we have Harry-Harry, our neurotic and paranoid cat.  We named him twice, as he never comes when you call him the first time. (Unless you have food in your hands.)

I am a born and raised Jersey Girl; I met Joey at work back in the 1980s, and we've been together ever since.  That was the ONLY good thing about my sentence (er...employment!) at the United States Postal Service, Asylum and House of Pain.

We now live on the West Coast of Florida, just a few short miles from the Gulf of Mexico.  (That WATER thing...)  We've been 'Yankee' Southerners for a few years; so shoveling snow is now just a distant (and very cold) memory!   But we still have to get used to the 'Three Seasons' they have down here:   HOT, HOTTER and ARE YOU FRIKKIN' KIDDING ME?!!

Joey and I are avid garage, yard, tag and estate sales freaks as well.  Hell... you can't take it with you, so you may as well spend it on other people's crap.

We are both firm believers that Life is WAAAY too short* and we need to appreciate and enjoy each day, as it is a GIFT.  That's why they call it the PRESENT! 

*  WOW!  Where did all the time go?  Wasn't it just yesterday I was in Kindergarten?