CelluliteQueen.com

Everyone has seen those cheap white resin chairs, right? Well, if you are 20 pounds overweight (or more!) take my advice, and avoid the resin chair at all costs!!  Sit at the picnic table or choose to stand while snarfing your burger and weenies.  Forget those evil little white resin chairs, unless you are built like an Anorexic or a ten year old kid.
 
IF you could fit your ass into the damned thing in the first place, its legs would bend a little, and then they'd wobble and feel like they're going to break underneath you. Your first reaction is panic, then embarrassment, when you realize you are now uncomfortably and precariously perched in this plastic torture chamber, and just narrowly escaped being humiliated. 

If those plastic legs had snapped, you would NEVER live it down. Like, EVER.  (Then you would be FORCED to lose copious amounts of weight, and everyone would always attribute it to "THAT TIME YOU BROKE THE CHAIR".) 

Now that you're firmly entrenched and afraid to move at all for fear of ending up on the deck atop a splintered pile of plastic, you realize your love handles and thighs had popped out of the openings underneath the arm rests, and are pinching hard enough to cause bruising.
 
The circulation to your ass cheeks has been cut off, and you also realize you cannot breathe, as your diaphragm was compressed from when you 'squashed'  your bulk into this innocent-looking bear trap.

When you admit to yourself you just can't tolerate it another second, you decide it's time to plan your escape.  As you attempt to get up, you silently pray like hell there won't be a 'sucking' sound as you attempt to extricate yourself from the chair.

But when you finally manage to stand, the chair clings to your ass like the shell of a hermit crab, and there's no way to get it off unless you place both hands on either side of the arm rests and push the chair down and off your body like you're wrestling with a wet girdle. (Nobody noticed!)  Yeahrite.  *wink wink*

I've never understood why manufacturers of outdoor furniture didn't figure out that skinny people don't usually EAT.  (They are masters at loading up their plates with food, then spend an hour just pushing things around with a plastic fork.)  So why do these companies keep making chairs that are only big enough for the thin ones to sit in when it's time to have a barbeque?