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A Humorous Look at Life, as seen through the eyes of a fun-loving, middle-aged, somewhat cynical, slightly crazy Fat Chick.

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I can't be 50 already!!

The Red Light

My Golf Ball Sized Head

White Resin Chairs

My Camping Calamities

Martha Stewart of Mommies

Starting a Diet SUCKS!

THE GREAT ADVENTURE!!

Nelson and Wild West City

MOMZILLA Invades Jersey!

A Visit To The Bakery

(almost) Legal Disclaimer

The Art of Ostriching...

A Surprise Birthday Party

FAT in a Thin World

Blue Man Group Las Vegas!

A Chocoholic's Recipes

We Interrupt This Life...

September 11, 2001

I Kissed Rudy Giuliani!!

Hitting the High Notes!!

Harry's Anal Adventure

Ryno Meets the METS!!

Last Visit to Manhattan.

Wear Sunscreen!!

That THING in the Cage

SUPER-SIZE NOTHING!!

Do you ever wonder...

Animals Are People Too!

REFUSE to Grow Up!!

Enjoy the Journey of Life

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"Quotable Quotations"

The Last Laugh Joke Page!

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The "Good Old Days"?

LIVING IN THE PAST

The ABCs of Happiness

Tongue-In-Cheek Diet Q&A

Nature's Pharmacy!

Everyday Home Remedies

Think ENGLISH is easy??

What could possibly happen at a Red Light?

I’m very happily married, losing weight successfully, and feeling totally pleased with myself for a change.  I’m finally beginning to have Self Confidence again.  I’m actually starting to feel attractive.  Life is good. 


THE RED LIGHT

After many years of feeling invisible, today a handsome young man in a nice little silver sports car waved at me at a red light.  (I went into Panic Mode immediately.) 

Here’s what happened:

I was driving along the highway, listening to Barry Manilow on CD.  (Shut up.  I’ve been in love with him since he sang his first fried chicken jingle.)  As I slowed down and stopped at the red light, a little silver sports car pulled up alongside of me.  Out of habit, I looked over.  The driver, a young guy, was behind the wheel.  He looked over at ME, and WAVED!!
 
I was shocked!  I automatically looked across my front seat to the right to see if he was waving to the car on the other side of me or something.  There was nobody ON the other side of me!  So I faced forward, my heart racing, both hands gripping the wheel.  White knuckled.  Must have been my imagination.  A young guy checking ME out at a red light?

I turned my head to the left again, and he was still looking my way!  He waved at me for a second time, and motioned for me to roll my window down!!

*
panic*  Oh my GAWD!  It must be the diet!!  Someone (a hot looking young guy!) other than my husband Joey thought I was attractive enough to wave to!  My blood pressure was going up by the second like the red line on a thermometer!  I was suddenly nervous and felt a chill in the pit of my stomach!!
 

Nervously, I hit the button and my window started to roll itself down.  I watched his passenger’s side window rolling down at the same time.  I was beginning to shake.  What if he asks me out for a drink or something?!  I’m happily married!!  There was no way in HELL I’d ever do something like that to Joey!!
 

I was finding I was actually afraid now.  Almost terrified.  A little voice in my head started to yell out to me with white-hot fear:
 

VOICE:  GO! GO!  Just leave!  Put your foot on the gas pedal, and GO!  Run the light!  Warning!  Warning!  DANGER, Will Robinson!  This is how Marriages are RUINED every day!  Don’t let this weight loss go to your head!!

But it was too late.  Both of our windows were now down and his little silver sports car and my white Toyota Highlander were dangerously close to each other at that light.
 

VOICE:  What are you DOING??!!!  Has losing this weight made you crazy?  Did you lose your MIND along with those pounds?
 

The young guy in the little silver sports car then leaned across his empty passenger seat!  He was now attempting to speak to me!  I was on the verge of complete ice-cold terror at that point!
 

He shouted to me:  “Hey Lady!  Your blinker has been on for the last two miles, ya know!”  Then the red light turned to green, and he pulled out at what appeared to be 70 mph and left me behind at the light in a stunned silence.

The big truck behind me leaned on his air horn and startled me back into reality.

I smiled at myself as my heart began to slow itself down.
 

VOICE:  *whew*  Wow.  That was a close one!!

I switched off my turn signal and continued my drive, smiling from ear to ear.


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