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Starting a diet sucks. Anyone that has ever decided to lose weight knows what I’m talking about. The hardest part is beginning the diet itself.
Personally, I try to do anything and everything possible to avoid starting a diet… I’ve wasted days just making up weight loss charts, calorie count logs, and shopping lists of low-calorie and fat free foods to buy at the grocery store; but somehow, I never actually begin the ‘dieting’ part of it. Something always distracts me. My standard excuse is: “I’ll start my diet TOMORROW”.
Sunday is not a good day to start a diet. I mean, it doesn’t make sense to miss out on the local breakfast buffet with the family after Church, right? Sure, they have fresh fruit and cottage cheese, but those greasy omelettes with crisp bacon strips and home-fried potatoes are calling my name!
Monday morning, I’d sleep through two whacks to the snooze alarm button and forget all about the “Diet” food in the refridge I carefully measured out into Tupperware the night before, as I rush out the door. Of course, the drive-thru window of any fast food place remedies the situation… I mean, you can’t work on an empty stomach. That’s ok though; I’ll start my diet Lunchtime... just a little delay. No problem.
Lunch with the girls at the local pub seems to be the only way to deal with the pressures of the first day back to work after the weekend. A few cocktails and the Special Of The Day with fries AND onion rings sounds great. Besides, how fresh could the salad greens be in a pub?? Since I’ve already blown it for today, I’m just better off starting my diet tomorrow.
Tuesday isn’t a good day to start a diet… neither is Wednesday or Thursday. Who ever heard of STARTING something in the middle of the week? It just doesn’t make sense. Pass me that bag of pretzels, please?
Fridays are not a good day to start a diet either. I mean EVERYONE knows that after a long week, you just want to get home, have a nice hot meal, relax, and unwind in front of the TV.
It’s un-American and probably illegal in the 48 contiguous states to watch Television without munchies in front of you. Nothing to feel guilty about though, as I’m starting my diet tomorrow.
Saturday morning, I get up early with every good intention of starting my diet. That is, until I get my feet onto the floor and my stomach growls loud enough to wake the neighbors. I shuffle to the refrigerator and stare inside at the contents like it’s a television screen. Everything that is low in calories or fat free pales in comparison to the flaky toaster pastries in the freezer. And while I’m toasting the pastries, I can nuke the breakfast sausages…
It’s true. STARTING a diet is hard work. But tomorrow is another day.
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