CelluliteQueen.com

WORLD WIDE WEB (WWW) Hell has frozen over! Barbara-Ann has finally put CelluliteQueen.com onto the Internet!

For many years, Barbara-Ann's husband Joe was forced to listen to her complain about her weight problems and a plethora of other issues on a daily basis. Finally, he was at his wits end, desperately trying to find a way to "Just make it STOP!" (A man can only listen to his wife whine for so long, you know?) The answer to his prayers was easy:  A web site on the Internet, where Barbara-Ann could co-miserate with the entire world! 

So far, the results have been very favorable. People in general were happy to read there truly IS someone else out there in the world that has it worse than they do.  And that person is Barbara-Ann!  She has put her foot into her mouth so often; she's developed a taste for toes, and has learned to hop rather well on one leg. 

Barbara-Ann's flair for the dramatic, paired with her inability to keep her big mouth shut, often results in unbelievable-but-true situations with hilarious consequences. (Think: Lucy Ricardo) 

In addition, we see reality one way, and Barbara-Ann sees it in another light completely, which is why she usually ends up in trouble, or has people shaking their heads in disbelief.

For example: One afternoon, Barbara-Ann left a Burger King parking lot, and was driving slightly over the posted speed limit.  A Police Officer pulled her over, and asked for her Driver’s License, Registration and Insurance Cards.

Barbara-Ann was holding the steering wheel with one hand, and a large holster of French Fries in the other.  She was very nervous, and without thinking, she thrust the Fries into the hands of the surprised Officer standing outside of her vehicle.  She began a furious search through her overstuffed glove box and suitcase-sized handbag for the requested paperwork.  (It took a while to find.)

The very bored Police Officer began to eat the French Fries, almost absent-mindedly, and when Barbara-Ann finally produced her Information, the Officer nodded without interest and warned her to drive slower next time. He returned to his patrol car, still holding (and eating) her French Fries.

Barbara-Ann said she was tempted to yell after him, but figured the cost of a speeding ticket was way more than the cost of a large holster of French Fries. 

She later complained to her husband,  "I cheated on my diet by hitting the drive-thru of Burger King, and I was nabbed by the freaking French Fries Police! Big Brother was watching!!" 

Is she correct, or just paranoid? 

Regardless, the CelluliteQueen.com web site has finally been launched, and Barbara-Ann's husband can finally get some peace and quiet. If that isn't the ultimate example of having the stars and planets in perfect alignment, I don't know what is.