CelluliteQueen.com

I've known Kevin since I was four years old; I met Laurie on my first day of High School.  Kevin went on to marry Laurie, and now they've been together more than twenty-five years!  Their daughter, Faith, was conceived on my wedding night!!  (She was born exactly nine months to the day after Joey and I married!)  Do I need to say it was a helluva wedding reception?!!

A few years ago, Kevin had a huge surprise Birthday Party for Laurie; and everyone was there to celebrate!  The table was loaded with chafing dishes of catered foods with the little Sterno cans underneath, keeping the food warm.   Kevin pulled out a big bottle of JACK DANIELS, and handed it to me, along with a tray of shot glasses and told me to pour.  He went through the house to round everyone up to do a shot to toast the Birthday Girl.
 
I’m a hapless klutz (and occasionally a moron!) and without giving it much thought, I lined the umpteen or so shot glasses in a long row along the edge of the table, about six inches away from the chafing dishes of food.  I thought that was as good a place as any to fill the shot glasses. 

I started pouring the liquor into each shot glass from left to right.  By the time I reached the fifth or sixth shot glass, the fumes from the first shot glass of JACK DANIELS ignited from the flame of the Sterno and blew out across the room about three feet like a flame thrower!

A second or two later, the next shot glass ignited and shot out another large flame into the room!  Then the third shot, then the fourth!  And there I was, like the idiot I am, still pouring shots into the remaining glasses that were lined up along the edge of the table.  However, now I was pouring the shots of JACK DANIELS at a much faster pace!  I wanted to hurry and finish before the flames caught up to me, and Kev got back with Laurie and the rest of our friends!  (I was still completely sober at this point.  Scary, isn't it?)

By now, everyone had gathered into the kitchen to toast Laurie on her Birthday, as one by one, the remaining shots of alcohol continued to explode flames out into the kitchen – like a 21-gun salute for a pyromaniac. 
 
Everyone was laughing and cracking jokes, but were sure to stand as far back away from me as possible!  (No! Stupidity isn't contagious!) 

Once the shot glasses of JACK DANIELS stopped exploding into fireballs, we raised our glasses and toasted to Laurie’s very HOT Surprise Birthday Party.